An author of a popular film review book said that generally, he likes all movies. He likes all movies because he appreciates the time and work that goes into all films and the difficulty to realize ones vision is far greater then the average viewer could ever realize and each film, no matter how bad, offers something to the viewer. This author even liked Natural Born Killers. However, this author has never seen 10,000 B.C. This film was bad. There is no getting around it. This film is so bad that it is difficult to divulge why it is bad, but I will attempt to give a few reasons why it was so bad and evidence to back my allegations. The story was terrible and couldn't decide if it wanted to be serious, or goofy. This is a huge problem. One thing I hate about films is when they are condescending to the viewer. Big films go through a process where they are shown to an audience to test for understanding. If an audience is at all unclear on a scene, a voiceover will be put in to assure the audience of what is going on. You can see this in almost every big film. An example might be in all the Mighty Ducks films. There is a scene in every film when it is clearly the last game and some character who is off screen says, "We have to win this one or it's over." The reason it is offscreen is because someone had to come in and re-record this dialogue to make sure everyone in the theater understands that they have to win the game in order to make sure every audience memeber is in the right emotional state. It is a stupid aspect of films that even the great films seem to encourage. Every single Adam Sandler film has this phenomenon. Well, in 10,000 B.C. this is relevant throughout the entire film. There is an unneeded narrator who has nothing directly to do with the film. The plot is so simplistic and easy to follow, having the narrator echo what is going on is almost insulting to me was a viewer. It is as if the director who also wrote the film. every five minutes is looking into the camera and describing what is happenning. Don't worry, we aren't missing anything. Another reason the film is terrible is because you can tell one guy wrote the story. A twelve year old boy cavemen tells a 12 year old girl that he loves her and he will always take care of her. This is true for the entire story. There is literally no character development. No one grows, no one learns, no one changes. Nothing happens. The film is entirely made for the special effects. Let's get to those next. The special effects were bad at best. Okay, there were a few cool models. Unfortunately these models had little screen time and no importance. There was a big, weird looking sabertooth tiger and some cool birds. Who cares? It's 2008, we've seen that stuff. It was cool seeing the pyramids and seeing visual suggestions to how they were built, but they contrasted greatly with the tenor of the film. Finally, the film was not ready to go to theaters. There were literally shots that were completley underexposed causing the film to be grainy and un usuable. I cannot believe the director let these shots be in the film. They looked terrible. Not only did they look terrible, but the entire film is hurt becasue of it. Any argument that may have been made to say the film at least attempted greatness was sabotaged by these shots. who in their right mind would not re-shoot these scenes or exclude them from the film. I love films, I respect how hard they are to make, but I cannot defend this film. The only reason I could say I enjoyed it is because I went with my class and we all had a good laugh about it.
I agree that the film could have been better and you are right about the characters not being developed throughout the film. You would think that a director who did "Independence Day' and 'Day After Tommorrow' would leave you wondering, what if that did happen?...
I also agree that the final scene was visually pleasing (my words)...but I only wish that those effects were used in 'The Ten Commandments'.
I think part of what may have disappointed us, as a group, has to do with the fact, that like many films, this one was hyped so much that, frankly, we were all just expecting more than we got as viewers and enthusiasts for the genre.
10,000 BC also known as 10,000 Biting Chickens is a great and powerful movie of literally mammoth proportions. When I mean mammoth I mean MAMMOTHLY! Very few and I mean very few movies leave you to be inspired to have really long curvy nails, make a really cool long white bony pointy spear in which to kill chickens with, ride a makeshift redneck mammoth, and wear a Hair For Men’s club turban that will help you grow short golden curly locks of hair, amongst other things. Yes, critics have greeted 10,000 BC as the greatest movie of all time before Ironman because the movie takes place 10,000 years before god christened Robert Downey Jr. to be Ironman. In fact the official title of the movie was supposed to be “10,000 Years Before the Christening of Robert Downey Jr. as Ironman in Ironman Vs 10,000 Biga** Chickens. F*ck Yeah!” Due to legal reasons and the belief for such a title would be hard to market out to the general public, the title ended up being 10,000 B.C. True Story.
Now 10,000 BC has amazing special effects that completely made this movie the mammothly stupendous CG movie that’s solely based in 10,000 B.C. The amazing mammoth size saber-toothed tiger, chickens, and of course mammoths can only be that mammoth sized because 90% of the world’s population love animals that take up 90% of the actual viewing screen. Also you get to see and touch that extra scientific detail known as textures and skin of these animals that we in today’s world will never ever see and touch because they’re all extinct. Based on these speculations alone, producers immediately gave this movie the green light for production and recruiting various anonymous CG people who shall remain anonymous. Now many elven critics from Santa’s Workshop at the North Pole have made critical evaluations that the saber-toothed tiger in the movie was way too big to have existed since apparently they’ve been around since the big bang. However, scientists have agreed that tigers may have been able to grow that big to even the size of a T-Rex back in the day. This agreement is led by Professor I. Hatthismovie who has summed all his research into 5 words: “Cause my momma said so!” There is another saber tooth tiger argument made from the homeless community out n the Atlantic Ocean who have said that tiger was supposed to be big so the hero could get out of the darn pit and that anything the hero saves that’s bigger than him makes him look heroic. Many have agreed with the homeless argument saying we all know its very stupid to have a tiger that big and that he was just there so there’s a reason the hero gets out of the pit and gets himself saved from the “We Love Saber-Toothed Tiger” activist tribesmen but hey we all love it because we get to see a big frickin huge saber toothed tiger. (In this author’s opinion what would’ve made this movie way better than it already is would be to have the hero ride the tiger through the desert, through the Nile, and have it eat a few mammoth steaks and chickens while at the temple. )
The animations of the animals were flawless in their portrayal to the point where you might’ve seen Halle Berry’s Catwoman somewhere jumping about in the temple. On the other hand the animation of every human depicted was apparently lacking in the acting department only because more research and work was being poured into how mammoths and chickens moved rather than how a man moved. Besides an anonymous animator has reported that every human in the movie was actually used with an already existing motion capture library so as to save time and money for the mammoths and the chickens.
Back on the animals, one cannot argue that our fellow mammoths, chickens, and tiger moved very realistically in the movie. Apparently anonymous animators have admitted that these animations were all done with guess what: Motion capture. No one in reported movie history has ever mocap animals to the extent of this movie. This makes quite a landmark in motion capture history folks. Think about it for half a second. What better way to animate a huge biting chicken than to motion capture an existing live chicken today. It’s incredible genius. I mean putting all those tracking balls on every part of those chickens is quite a feat folks. Still training those chickens to move as they did in the movie took ironically enough the whole production timeline. Just like how Keanu Reeves was trained for the Matrix Trilogy selected chickens also undergone the same training before they were motion captured for 10,000 Biting Chickens. That is also why no chicken was harmed in the making of this movie. Live tigers were used for mocap purposes with similar training and results as shown in the movie.
The mammoths on the other hand proved quite a daunting challenge as the studio had to make a motion capture studio big enough for the elephants to move around and act. According to sources inside, however, the elephants were not moving realistic enough to move like mammoths. Apparently, most of the budget for the movie went into resurrecting mammoths from extinction. In the end of said research, the studios were able to give life to “Zombie Baby Mammoths.” These Zombie Baby Mammoths proved rather docile in comparison to your typical movie zombie. This made it very easy for animators to motion capture these Zombie Mammoths without killing anyone during the process. That’s how the movie was able to get amazing animation results in 10,000 BC. These Zombie Mammoths are currently in a remote high-level top-secret clearance area in the back lot of a movie studio. In fact due to the results that this movie has received at the box office that a sequel is being made called “10,000 Z.M.: Attack of the 10,000 Zombie Mammoths” which will be coming to theaters in 2012. True story.
As for the story, the plot was very simple. Save the girl, get laid with old grandma’s soul in girl’s body. Very original. What better way to get the movie going but to have the hero’s girl kidnapped by people who have goldilocks for hair and turbans traveling through icy mountains, chicken infested jungles, and mammoth infest hot scorching deserts. Most original. In order to save the night, the North Star leads the hero and compatriots to their destination with the girl. That’s original. The best villains in movie history to date have to be the Albino Trinity. Albino people with very long nails make great evil villains. Seriously original. They’re even better than Dracula from the awesome movie Van Hellsing. Why? This is because two of the Trinity are already dead. If all of the Trinity were still alive the hero would have to carry three Great White Albino spears instead of one. Plus if all three were alive they would’ve easily put the hero in shark with frikkin laser beam infested waters. That’s fairly original. In order to make this movie go out with a happy note, the old prophet lady kicks out the girl’s soul into her body and moves herself into a younger sexier body. This proves that even old ladies can get the hero in the end, which satisfies the seniors amongst the audience. So seriously original and heartwarming. Narration was also included in the movie to make sense those 10,000 Biting Chickens and mammoths actually did exist in some point in time. Definitely originally intended for everyone. These are all elements that make up for an epic original movie. Yeah umm very original…
To sum it all up, 10,000 Biting Chickens has one thing that should get everyone to go out and buy every merchandise that’s related to it to financially support the movie. The sequel known as “10,000 Zombie Mammoths.” The sequel will be 10,000 times better than 10,000 BC because it will approximately have 10,000 Zombie Mammoth that will be animated, textured, and composited well for the big screen.
Not only that, but you'll get to see 10,000 Zombie Mammothson a plane with Samuel L. Jackson!
6 comments:
An author of a popular film review book said that generally, he likes all movies. He likes all movies because he appreciates the time and work that goes into all films and the difficulty to realize ones vision is far greater then the average viewer could ever realize and each film, no matter how bad, offers something to the viewer. This author even liked Natural Born Killers. However, this author has never seen 10,000 B.C.
This film was bad. There is no getting around it. This film is so bad that it is difficult to divulge why it is bad, but I will attempt to give a few reasons why it was so bad and evidence to back my allegations.
The story was terrible and couldn't decide if it wanted to be serious, or goofy. This is a huge problem. One thing I hate about films is when they are condescending to the viewer. Big films go through a process where they are shown to an audience to test for understanding. If an audience is at all unclear on a scene, a voiceover will be put in to assure the audience of what is going on. You can see this in almost every big film. An example might be in all the Mighty Ducks films. There is a scene in every film when it is clearly the last game and some character who is off screen says, "We have to win this one or it's over." The reason it is offscreen is because someone had to come in and re-record this dialogue to make sure everyone in the theater understands that they have to win the game in order to make sure every audience memeber is in the right emotional state. It is a stupid aspect of films that even the great films seem to encourage. Every single Adam Sandler film has this phenomenon. Well, in 10,000 B.C. this is relevant throughout the entire film. There is an unneeded narrator who has nothing directly to do with the film. The plot is so simplistic and easy to follow, having the narrator echo what is going on is almost insulting to me was a viewer. It is as if the director who also wrote the film. every five minutes is looking into the camera and describing what is happenning. Don't worry, we aren't missing anything.
Another reason the film is terrible is because you can tell one guy wrote the story. A twelve year old boy cavemen tells a 12 year old girl that he loves her and he will always take care of her. This is true for the entire story. There is literally no character development. No one grows, no one learns, no one changes. Nothing happens. The film is entirely made for the special effects. Let's get to those next.
The special effects were bad at best. Okay, there were a few cool models. Unfortunately these models had little screen time and no importance. There was a big, weird looking sabertooth tiger and some cool birds. Who cares? It's 2008, we've seen that stuff. It was cool seeing the pyramids and seeing visual suggestions to how they were built, but they contrasted greatly with the tenor of the film.
Finally, the film was not ready to go to theaters. There were literally shots that were completley underexposed causing the film to be grainy and un usuable. I cannot believe the director let these shots be in the film. They looked terrible. Not only did they look terrible, but the entire film is hurt becasue of it. Any argument that may have been made to say the film at least attempted greatness was sabotaged by these shots. who in their right mind would not re-shoot these scenes or exclude them from the film. I love films, I respect how hard they are to make, but I cannot defend this film. The only reason I could say I enjoyed it is because I went with my class and we all had a good laugh about it.
max
I could not have said it better. All I can add is - you've seen all the Mighty Duck films and this was still worse !!!!!!!'wow
Good points well presented well thought - I too only enjoyed that we saw it as a class.
I agree that the film could have been better and you are right about the characters not being developed throughout the film. You would think that a director who did "Independence Day' and 'Day After Tommorrow' would leave you wondering, what if that did happen?...
I also agree that the final scene was visually pleasing (my words)...but I only wish that those effects were used in 'The Ten Commandments'.
I think part of what may have disappointed us, as a group, has to do with the fact, that like many films, this one was hyped so much that, frankly, we were all just expecting more than we got as viewers and enthusiasts for the genre.
I love the Mighty Ducks films!
10,000 BC also known as 10,000 Biting Chickens is a great and powerful movie of literally mammoth proportions. When I mean mammoth I mean MAMMOTHLY! Very few and I mean very few movies leave you to be inspired to have really long curvy nails, make a really cool long white bony pointy spear in which to kill chickens with, ride a makeshift redneck mammoth, and wear a Hair For Men’s club turban that will help you grow short golden curly locks of hair, amongst other things. Yes, critics have greeted 10,000 BC as the greatest movie of all time before Ironman because the movie takes place 10,000 years before god christened Robert Downey Jr. to be Ironman. In fact the official title of the movie was supposed to be “10,000 Years Before the Christening of Robert Downey Jr. as Ironman in Ironman Vs 10,000 Biga** Chickens. F*ck Yeah!” Due to legal reasons and the belief for such a title would be hard to market out to the general public, the title ended up being 10,000 B.C. True Story.
Now 10,000 BC has amazing special effects that completely made this movie the mammothly stupendous CG movie that’s solely based in 10,000 B.C. The amazing mammoth size saber-toothed tiger, chickens, and of course mammoths can only be that mammoth sized because 90% of the world’s population love animals that take up 90% of the actual viewing screen. Also you get to see and touch that extra scientific detail known as textures and skin of these animals that we in today’s world will never ever see and touch because they’re all extinct. Based on these speculations alone, producers immediately gave this movie the green light for production and recruiting various anonymous CG people who shall remain anonymous. Now many elven critics from Santa’s Workshop at the North Pole have made critical evaluations that the saber-toothed tiger in the movie was way too big to have existed since apparently they’ve been around since the big bang. However, scientists have agreed that tigers may have been able to grow that big to even the size of a T-Rex back in the day. This agreement is led by Professor I. Hatthismovie who has summed all his research into 5 words: “Cause my momma said so!” There is another saber tooth tiger argument made from the homeless community out n the Atlantic Ocean who have said that tiger was supposed to be big so the hero could get out of the darn pit and that anything the hero saves that’s bigger than him makes him look heroic. Many have agreed with the homeless argument saying we all know its very stupid to have a tiger that big and that he was just there so there’s a reason the hero gets out of the pit and gets himself saved from the “We Love Saber-Toothed Tiger” activist tribesmen but hey we all love it because we get to see a big frickin huge saber toothed tiger. (In this author’s opinion what would’ve made this movie way better than it already is would be to have the hero ride the tiger through the desert, through the Nile, and have it eat a few mammoth steaks and chickens while at the temple. )
The animations of the animals were flawless in their portrayal to the point where you might’ve seen Halle Berry’s Catwoman somewhere jumping about in the temple. On the other hand the animation of every human depicted was apparently lacking in the acting department only because more research and work was being poured into how mammoths and chickens moved rather than how a man moved. Besides an anonymous animator has reported that every human in the movie was actually used with an already existing motion capture library so as to save time and money for the mammoths and the chickens.
Back on the animals, one cannot argue that our fellow mammoths, chickens, and tiger moved very realistically in the movie. Apparently anonymous animators have admitted that these animations were all done with guess what: Motion capture. No one in reported movie history has ever mocap animals to the extent of this movie. This makes quite a landmark in motion capture history folks. Think about it for half a second. What better way to animate a huge biting chicken than to motion capture an existing live chicken today. It’s incredible genius. I mean putting all those tracking balls on every part of those chickens is quite a feat folks. Still training those chickens to move as they did in the movie took ironically enough the whole production timeline. Just like how Keanu Reeves was trained for the Matrix Trilogy selected chickens also undergone the same training before they were motion captured for 10,000 Biting Chickens. That is also why no chicken was harmed in the making of this movie. Live tigers were used for mocap purposes with similar training and results as shown in the movie.
The mammoths on the other hand proved quite a daunting challenge as the studio had to make a motion capture studio big enough for the elephants to move around and act. According to sources inside, however, the elephants were not moving realistic enough to move like mammoths. Apparently, most of the budget for the movie went into resurrecting mammoths from extinction. In the end of said research, the studios were able to give life to “Zombie Baby Mammoths.” These Zombie Baby Mammoths proved rather docile in comparison to your typical movie zombie. This made it very easy for animators to motion capture these Zombie Mammoths without killing anyone during the process. That’s how the movie was able to get amazing animation results in 10,000 BC. These Zombie Mammoths are currently in a remote high-level top-secret clearance area in the back lot of a movie studio. In fact due to the results that this movie has received at the box office that a sequel is being made called “10,000 Z.M.: Attack of the 10,000 Zombie Mammoths” which will be coming to theaters in 2012. True story.
As for the story, the plot was very simple. Save the girl, get laid with old grandma’s soul in girl’s body. Very original. What better way to get the movie going but to have the hero’s girl kidnapped by people who have goldilocks for hair and turbans traveling through icy mountains, chicken infested jungles, and mammoth infest hot scorching deserts. Most original. In order to save the night, the North Star leads the hero and compatriots to their destination with the girl. That’s original. The best villains in movie history to date have to be the Albino Trinity. Albino people with very long nails make great evil villains. Seriously original. They’re even better than Dracula from the awesome movie Van Hellsing. Why? This is because two of the Trinity are already dead. If all of the Trinity were still alive the hero would have to carry three Great White Albino spears instead of one. Plus if all three were alive they would’ve easily put the hero in shark with frikkin laser beam infested waters. That’s fairly original. In order to make this movie go out with a happy note, the old prophet lady kicks out the girl’s soul into her body and moves herself into a younger sexier body. This proves that even old ladies can get the hero in the end, which satisfies the seniors amongst the audience. So seriously original and heartwarming. Narration was also included in the movie to make sense those 10,000 Biting Chickens and mammoths actually did exist in some point in time. Definitely originally intended for everyone. These are all elements that make up for an epic original movie. Yeah umm very original…
To sum it all up, 10,000 Biting Chickens has one thing that should get everyone to go out and buy every merchandise that’s related to it to financially support the movie. The sequel known as “10,000 Zombie Mammoths.” The sequel will be 10,000 times better than 10,000 BC because it will approximately have 10,000 Zombie Mammoth that will be animated, textured, and composited well for the big screen.
Not only that, but you'll get to see 10,000 Zombie Mammothson a plane with Samuel L. Jackson!
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